Why it's so hard to make the first move

The fear of reaching out—and why it's worth it

Welcome, I’m Tristan. As a health and wellness coach, I write about the intersections of health, mindset, and human connection—blending personal storytelling with practical insights.

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Today we explore the weight of connection.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how we carry emotion—the quiet ones, the heavy ones, the ones we tuck away because they feel too inconvenient to share. There’s a strange loneliness in believing our struggles are burdensome to others. That reaching out might disrupt rather than deepen connection. But is that really true?

This led me to a reflection on the moments I’ve hesitated, the times I’ve convinced myself to stay silent. And yet, every time someone has reached out to me, I’ve never once thought of their vulnerability as a burden—only as a gift.

So, let’s explore that tension. The discomfort of being heard. The courage to extend first. The possibility that what we see as a burden might just be our greatest strength.

First comes the YUCK

The heaviness in the eyes.

The slumping of the spine.

The drying of the mouth.

The dread that accompanies inaction.

The sigh of disappointment.

The pang of the heart—
and its rapid beat for events that haven’t yet come to be.

Then the dissociation

Whether we realize it or not…

We rationalize—telling ourselves that person won’t want to hear about our “problems” today.

We future-trip—convincing ourselves we have too much to do, ignoring the pang in our heart to reach out for support.

We repress—bottling up the stress, shame, self-doubt, worry, and fear. We divert our attention elsewhere, deciding not to reach out. But what we resist always persists.

In other words (thank you,

Cam L. Freeland

):

We project—bringing these unaddressed feelings into the world, manifesting them within ourselves, our partners, our friends, even the grocery store clerk.

We indulge—doing anything to escape the feeling, consuming in excess whatever we can get our hands on.

And then, a moment of stillness

A breath rises in the stomach—

then falls.

Another sigh, this time a reminder: You’re alive. You’re okay.

The courage to pick up the phone.

What if reaching out was a strength, not a burden?

Isolation has always been a default coping mechanism of mine. When discomfort arises, I do anything I can not to feel it. I rationalize. I future-trip. I repress, project, and indulge.

In my adolescent years, I was hyper-fixated on image and comfort. Anything that threatened my ego was locked away in a deep corridor of my heart. Talking about emotion? Not something we did—in my family, my friend group, or even with myself.

Thank goodness that changed. I’m learning to lean into support. Because it’s damn hard to be lonely through this thing called life. We need each other.

The other day, I was talking to a friend about this—about how I feel like a burden when I’m the first one to reach out. Starting a conversation with a stranger feels like trying to converse in Arabic, a language I don’t know. The thought of impeding someone’s space—whether they’re looking through grapes at the grocery store, browsing books at the library, or zoning out between sets at the gym—feels like a violation. They’d probably be annoyed by my efforts, right?

My friend offered a perspective shift:

What if those efforts were a gift to the person on the other end?

I thought about times when I was the one being approached—when a friend texted to ask if I wanted to talk. When my sister called to share how life was going—the good, the bad, and the ugly. When strangers are confident and courageous enough to start a conversation while I was the one parsing through grapes. And how lucky I felt to have these conversations. To provide value through support and spontaneity.

So why would we continue to ignore the natural impulse to extend first?

Extending yourself to connect is a gift, not a burden.

Thanks for reading

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Personal Reflections

1. What stops you from reaching out when you need support? What story do you tell yourself about asking for help?

2. What kind of support do you wish you had more of? How can you start by offering that to others?

3. What emotions do you tend to avoid feeling? How do you distract yourself from them?

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About Tristan

Tristan is a health and wellness coach with a background in psychology and behavior change. He believes that everyone has the capacity to reconnect with their purpose, and with the right support, can create a life that brings them joy, clarity, and well-being.

How You Can Connect

1-on-1 Coaching: If these messages resonate with you and you’re exploring what change could look like, let’s talk. I work with men who are ready to reconnect with themselves, move from stagnation to purpose, and feel heard in the process. Book a free 30-minute discovery session here.

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