watching the clouds pass by

On productivity guilt and science behind intentional pausing.

A client of mine, whom I’ll call A., has been struggling to adjust to the recent events of life. They lost their job some months ago and believe they function best within a rigid schedule. Now, without anyone “holding their hand”, they feel unsure of how to structure their time.

On one hand, they understand the importance of earning. In fact, they report feeling most fulfilled when they’re “contributing to society”, or “adding value”. On the other, they long to explore, adventure, and enjoy life more freely. With so much time on their hands, they find themselves stuck between “should” and “should not.” With their freedom came shackles, and they’ve begun settling into a state of no dedicated action toward either condition. Instead of aiming for a life of balance—pursuing joy and adventure while working with diligence toward new opportunities—they are choosing dissociation altogether.

I noticed right away how much pain they’re in from the pressure they put on themselves to perform. They might even admit this with a sort of enthusiastic self-awareness. It’s clear they show up for themselves with openness and honesty, alongside shades of shame and guilt. Showing up for yourself and seeking support is a courageous path*. Shame today seems to have become normal, but not natural. A. is frustrated with their decision-making and feels incapable of making true and lasting change as it relates to their “purpose.”

been there?

What A. is up against is this notion of decision fatigue.

*Simply showing up is a deeply underrated action. Each time A. picks up the phone and calls, it is an act of self-love. It’s a small but powerful step toward breaking the spiral of negative thinking.

What is decision fatigue?

In performance psychology, decision fatigue refers to mental exhaustion marked by decision making [1]. The brain functions like a battery, depleting with each decision, big or small. The more choices a person makes, the harder it becomes to make the next one well.

And with A., inaction has begun to serve as their primary decision. Let’s not forget that inaction is also a sort of action. That’s where A. is stuck.

Studies show that decision fatigue doesn’t just make people tired—it alters how they think and act. Research finds that after making a series of mentally taxing choices, people were more likely to procrastinate, make impulsive choices, or avoid decisions altogether [2].

A. is spinning their wheels stuck in worrying thoughts, unable to commit fully to structure or spontaneity because making a choice feels overwhelming.

Decision fatigue also changes how the brain processes decisions. When the brain is tired, it relies on known shortcuts, favoring what is easiest or most familiar rather than what is best [3].

For A., this means defaulting to inaction rather than making a firm choice toward work or adventure.

The brain actually slows down when fatigue sets in. Neuroimaging by Heatherton and Wagner shows that the parts of the brain responsible for reasoning and decision-making become less active during intense emotional regulation [4].

When A. is overwhelmed by uncertainty, their brain is not fully engaged, making even small decisions feel paralyzing.

It is not just mental, but physiological too. In a study by Vohs et al. [5], participants who had to make a series of choices shopping for college courses or consumer goods showed lower physical endurance when tested in the cold pressor experiment, where hands are submerged in ice water. The more decisions they had made earlier, the quicker they gave up. Physical endurance is closely related to mental endurance.

A. isn’t lazy, unmotivated, or incapable.

They are drained.

Decision fatigue attributes and consequences (Pignatiello, 2021).

The Power of the Pause and Managing Decision Fatigue

Decision fatigue has been measured across the workday in a range of professions, including finance, healthcare, and jurisdiction.

Judges, for example, were found to be less lenient the longer they had gone without a break [5].

Orthopedic surgeons were 33 percentage points less likely to schedule an operation toward the end of their shift compared to the beginning. With each additional patient seen, the likelihood of scheduling surgery dropped by 10.5% [6].

Credit officers may offer the most compelling example of this phenomenon. Researchers tracked loan approval rates throughout the day and found that the period just before lunch (11:00 to 14:00) had the highest rate of rejections. Approval ratings during this window were significantly lower than in the morning or later in the afternoon. [7].

The overarching theme in these data seems to be the POWER of the PAUSE.

The good news is that the concept of mindful breaks is becoming more accepted. The harder part is that many of us don’t know how to actually pause. Instead of true rest, we often use our breaks for more stimulation. More scrolling. More choices. More input.

A. has mentioned not feeling worthy of taking a break. In those moments, they tend to seek out distractions. This pattern seems small but can be deeply draining. Much of their exhaustion may come from engaging in actions that aren't aligned with their actual goals. The constant mental back-and-forth, the ruminating, the second-guessing.

For A., the reality may not be a lack of effort but a need for intentional, restorative pauses.**

**There’s no one-size-fits-all approach here. The amount of time needed to recharge varies from person to person. The best place to start is by paying attention. If you're feeling overwhelmed, tense, or stuck, it may be time for a break. Scrolling through your phone or bingeing a show might feel like a break, but often, it adds more noise to a tired mind.

Here’s a radical idea—

What if we could pause anywhere? What if mindfulness was possible even under LOUD, BUSY, HECTIC conditions. What if you could pause on a busy bus? In a work meeting before presenting to the board? In a restless pretzel on a long flight? In a moment of awareness after a burst of anger, shame, or sadness?

Try it with me now. Drop everything in the mind. Take one conscious breath, then three. Drop the storyline — this is good, this is bad. I like this, I don’t like this. Go back to the breath. Become aware of the sensations in the body. Become curious of what’s happening, without the storyline. You’re a scientist, observing the beauty of nature. The present moment is inevitable.

This week A. has been experimenting with taking more intentional breaks. They say it’s worked wonders so far. The power of the pause. Dropping in, with three conscious breaths. Dropping off the storyline, watching thoughts move like clouds passing by. The present moment is inevitable.

like clouds passing by

The average human makes 35,000 decisions per day [8]. Each decision makes the next slightly more challenging. Without breaks, we may be on a straight route to burnout. The decision to pause and take a couple of breaths is still a decision, yes, but it’s one that requires very little effort, motivation, or endurance. It is the art of doing nothing.

<3,

Tristan

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I’m not one to spend $5 on a coffee, but if this resonated with you, a small tip goes a long way. Either way, I appreciate you being here.

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Some updates & things I’ve enjoyed this week:

• Tamy Faierman M.D.
  — Dissecting the Ego, Stitching the Soul. Dr. Tamy has taught me more than she knows. A gift to the world. They discuss the truly magic* elixir of intention, attention, and present moment awareness.

• I met with

  Promise
  earlier this week, a former Buddhist monk. He led me through a beautiful meditation with eyes closed, which continued with them open! It was an eye opener for me, no pun intended. His presence is special and I trust you too will learn something interesting about yourself by checking out his page.

• Morgan Bridger
  — “I still love you, chocolate – the taste, the smell, the rich creaminess, the delightful jolt of endorphins. I love that you’re a sweet treat, but not full of sugar. You make special occasions even more special. But I don’t want to share my whole life with you anymore. So let’s just be friends.”

  • — a masterpiece in CHOCOLATE and my Inner Critic.

• I’m in Portugal! Stay tuned for more updates like these 😆 —>

Explore with Tristan

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p.s. You’ve got this 😆