What impulse feels like

your permission to enter the storm

excitement couples shame
temptation couples blame
juicy, yet inedible
sweet, and so regrettable
*
like Eve with fruit too ripe to toss
I’d bite and bare the quiet cost
the sirens pang against my chest
each whisper pulling toward unrest
*
seconds pass, they feel like hours
as if I’m stripped of all my powers
but even as the want returns
I let them pass, I let them turn
*
the pull is sharp, the noise is loud
but what if the attachment,
was just a cloud?
*
I watch the waves, I let them crash
I feel it all, it doesn’t last
not every thought becomes a plot
and what I feel is JUST A THOUGHT

It’s 6:23am at the time of writing, and this feels like a heavy topic for this hour. I hope you enjoy, wherever it finds you. Let’s have a good day.

Impulse is everywhere. In the cling toward our devices, in the wish to be liked, or even in the grip toward our morning cup of coffee. We go to great lengths to fulfill these urges. At the airport, people stand in line for 20 minutes and pay a 100% upcharge for a mediocre cup of Joe.

This pub was a real-time peek at urge bubbling up within. It’s what came to be when I gave myself permission to go there rather than resist and run.

It’s not uncommon to feel shame around our impulsive thoughts. Often, we’re acutely aware that we’re slipping into a “bad habit” yet again. Sometimes, it’s the thought alone that sparks the spiral. It can be hard to separate the voices in our head: one pulling us toward excessive pleasure, the other resisting or hiding. Both can end up tightening their grip on our behavior and mood. At times, it feels impossible to resist the urge to lay down and indulge again. It can feel like our thoughts are us.

To that I ask you this : What would it look like if you went INTO the feeling, into the thought, into the sensations?

Allowing these sensations to pass through you may not be easy. It may not feel perfect.

The duality is clear. Going into the storm might not be fun, but it may be helpful. It may be the decision which liberates you from your own self-sabotage. It may be the only way through.

Let’s have a day.

<3,

Tristan

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I’m not one to spend $5 on a coffee, but if this resonated with you, a small tip goes a long way. Either way, I appreciate you being here.

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p.s. You’ve got this 😆